Christmas Capers

Billy B. was in the mood for some Christmas fun. He and Chet and Jane and Daryl had planned to have a Christmas Party at Daryl’s house for Christmas Eve. Now Daryl and his dad, who was the third-grade teacher… enjoyed being called…The Wiz and Darly were from Bath, England. They were accustomed to Christmas Crackers. These are festive decorations for the table and make a snapping sound when pulled open…and often contain a small gift. Billy B. knew that if enough of the Christmas Crakers were pulled at one time…they would startle Santa Claus when he visited them at the Christmas Eve Party. The plan was to have Chet sit on Santa’s lap and ask for a Red Rider BB Gun and when Santa said, ‘You’ll shoot your eye out kid…’, (Courtesy of A Christmas Story) Daryl and The Wiz and Jane and Billy B. would pull several Crackers apart at once…and then enjoy the melee… Billy B. simply knew that Santa Claus…with his good nature and jolly spirit…would get the joke and laugh the loudest and longest…

Jane wondered if Billy B.’s idea really had merit. She knew that the look on Santa’s face would be great fun…but he was a gentleman of advanced age and many responsibilities…especially at this time of year. The Wiz assured her that Santa had a terrific sense of humor and that he would get the joke. Chet asked, ‘But what if he throws me off his lap?’ Daryl replied, ‘There are Christmas Pillows all around his Great Chair…in order to cushion his fall if he should trip getting into the Christmas Throne…of getting out of it to go to the restroom…’ Santa would have at his right hand his customary Christmas Pipe and his Apple Pie Tobacco. He relished refilling his Pipe and blowing giant smoke rings that circled his head like a wreath… His Merscham Christmas Pipe was specially crafted for him by his Lead Elf Humphrey Bogart…who was named after the famous actor. Santa cherished his Pipe and ashtray…handmade by Lauren Bacall…and you know who her namesake is…

Christmas Eve Party had arrived and Billy B. and Jane and Chet and Daryl and The Wiz had prepared the holiday hi-jinks. Daryl had fifty Christmas Crackers and had asked his father to recruit the entire third-grade class to assist in simultaneously pulling them apart at the moment that Chet asked Santa for a Red Rider BB Gun. Santa had just laid his Christmas Merscham Pipe on his precious handmade ashtray and invited Chet onto his lap to utter his Christmas request. When Chet said that he wanted a Red Rider BB Gun and Santa responded that he would shoot his eye out…all fifty Christmas Crackers went off in unison… Santa threw Chet off his lap and Chet hit the handmade ashtray made by Lauren Bacall and the Merschem Christmas Pipe hit the pillows and ignited their cloth coverings. The ashtray was broken and the Pipe was cracked and Santa yelled…Krampus…

‘Krampus is a horned figure in Alpine folklore who during the Christmas Season, scares children who have misbehaved. He assists St. Nicholas…

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