Five days until Christmas…and Rudolph could not be found. Billy B. and Chet had been given the task of locating him but so far…to no avail. Humphrey, the Lead Elf in charge of Toy Manufacturing, was beside himself…literally, as he had requested his twin brother, Hobart, join him for the last few days of toy work…before the big event. While Humphrey was a bit polished and cultured and somewhat debonair…Hobart was rough or un-planed around the edges. Hobart had misunderstood his help to be in the form of assisting his brother in the management of the Toy Shop…when in reality Humphrey wanted him to create his famous Wooden Rocking Horses. Rudolph had last been seen when Hobart had reprimanded him for being in the way in the Toy Shop and gave him a hammer and some finishing nails. Now Rudolph was a rather sensitive sort…as most Artists are…and he understood that his duties were more important, in his mind than Hobart’s, and thus he said to Evelyn the Elf, ‘Let Hobart lead the reindeer this Christmas Eve…I am off to Destin, Florida for some white sand and beautiful green Gulf Coast water.’
Santa said, ‘Billy B. and Chet…you must fly down to Destin and see if you can find Rudolph…we can not make the trip without him…he is the only one who has a red nose. Chet responded, ‘Santa, indeed his nose does have a nice red glow…but your nose gets quite red after you have had a couple of Dirty Martinis…’ Santa said, ‘Never mind about that, Chet, Santa takes a Dirty Martini now and then for his arthritis.’ ‘Now go quickly as Rudolph is probably at Wine World in Watercolor…as it is his favorite hang-out, Santa exclaimed!
Jane said that she wanted to accompany Billy B. and Chet as Rudolph listened to her…while he might not accept what the two gentlemen had to say. Billy B. agreed and off they flew…’like the down of a thistle…as Clement Clark Moore said so eloquently. Soon they had landed on the sugar-white beaches of Miramar Beach and saw Rudolphs’ Girlfriend lounging in a beach chair. Candy Kane was a Florida Reindeer…by birth…and there were not many like her. She was an alligator hunter and smoked cigars and drank Bullett Rye Whiskey…straight…and all day long. ‘Hey Jane,’ said CK. ‘What are you good people doing here this close to Christmas Eve…this is Crunch Time…’ Jane asked, ‘Where is Rudy…Santa needs him…and Hobart is sorry for offending him.’ ‘Rudy and Ron and JB have been drinking wine at Wine World…all day…and solving the world’s problems,’ CK said. ‘Let’s take the mini-sleigh and fly over there to talk to Rudy,’ said Chet. In the blink of an eye…they were there. ‘Join us,’ Rudy called out as his nose glowed a brilliant red beacon… ‘Rudy…Santa needs you and Hobart is sorry for telling you to get out of the Toy Factory,’ said Jane. ‘I don’t know…Jane…I think Santa hired him to boss me around…and I have better things to do than to be insulted…I have my 401K…and early retirement is looking pretty…pretty…pretty…sweet, as Larry David of Curb Your Enthusiasm, would say,’ said a thick-tongued philosophical Rudy… ‘Think of the kids…Santa can not do this massive undertaking without you…Rudy,’ Chet implored. ‘Will there be the annual Christmas Party at the end of the Christmas Eve Trip…I enjoy that Party so very much said, Rudy. ‘This year there will not only be a party but a 25% Christmas bonus…and a subscription to the Jelly Of the Month Club’…said Billy B.
Rudy not only returned to the North Pole but was the hero of the reindeer for the 25% bonus…and the wonderful…Jelly…